I acted on those feelings, once upon a time (seems like a lifetime ago, now). Look where it left me. Regret. Remorse. Sinking deeper into my voracity for vodka and my addiction to slipping away, even when I don't leave. I just want to be around him again, to feel that rise of my heart in my chest and the sparks down my spine. Even if he doesn't reciprocate (how I wish he would), I want that feeling. I'm addicted to that feeling. And the way he looks at me.
As a girl, you are taught to be fearful when you are alone. In the park or at the drugstore, you're a target. You can be abducted, scooped up by any number of unseen dangers, molested, tortured, left for dead.
But in a group, you are taught to feel stronger, like the sum of your parts. Gradually, you forget your anxieties and reservations. You practice the buddy system. You falsely believe that tragedy cannot single you out.
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