Tap on My Window

Today was a good day, probably the best I've had in some time. Well, maybe "best" is not the word I'm looking for. Saying "best" implies that everything went exactly how it was supposed to and there were no frays in the hems. There were a few loose threads, but not nearly enough to send me unraveling.

Perhaps productive is the better term. After intentionally oversleeping my alarm, I went to breakfast at 8.30 and still made it to class on time at 9am. I had difficulty mentally waking up. I just hate how Mlle. Ellis leads us in sentences. It throws me off and I look like an idiot, when I have 3 years under my belt and they have but a few weeks. I'll have everything set in my mind, ready to speak at the sound of a gunshot. But her preparing me in this way- tres, tres bothersome. Class ends and I go back to my dorm. Despite talking to chat with a few people on my way, I still walk into my room promptly at 10am. From here, the day is mine to do as I please, at least until I have running at 4pm.

My dishes have piled up. So has my laundry. My towels are disgusting. It wouldn't surprise me if you were to stick a swatch beneath a telescope and find entire colonies of bacteria thriving. I've managed to save up enough quarters so I can finally do laundry, as opposed to last week, when I was scrounging desperately. I made the mistake of telling a former work friend this... he replied back with a text, asking "How about a striptease for some laundry money?" Aside from the piles of my own laundry, the pile of cross country race uniforms and sweats is taking over the cardboard box that is filled with my dirty dishes from the past two weeks (I really hate to admit that).

All of this is done, albeit the new pile of cross country clothes and my clean clothes dumped on my bed (which, for the record, is made every morning before I leave for class). Now, I'm sitting here, typing, when I should be finishing my french. I think I'll turn in now & wake up early. I'm tired. I need to get to bed at a more stable time. No more of this fluctuation.

My work out took a lot longer than I expected today. The hill repeats were tough and I could certainly feel it in my knees. I'm still feeling the effects of hot yoga from yesterday, the soreness through out my body. I would kill for a massage. Something to work out the knots and take away the pain, if only for a few hours.

But alas, I have no one. I am alone. That was solidified this afternoon, when Irene & Jules asked me to take a picture of them at their bathtub party. I have no one. Irene and I hit it off well when we first moved in and even prior to that. Slowly, Irene drifted over to Jules. And now, I feel like I have no one. It seems I have slipped back into that pattern of not having a solid friend. Sophie has Keely. Jules has Irene. Morgane has Scarlett. Who do I have? I have no one... Maybe I'll return to how I was in high school: busy every waking second of my day, involved in as many clubs, organizations, and extracurriculars as possible.

This makes me think of Mariah, how similar we are. Hardworking and determined. Involved in everything. Talking to her about the Peer Health Exchange, I regret not signing up for it. I need to return to how I was. I think I was happier then. I know now that I will never be the party girl I've always wanted to try being. The drinking...it's nothing compared to Monk's or Olivia's. I thought I was bad. But I'm only bad in comparison to myself.

I need consistent sleep. Maybe once the season's over and I can breathe again... Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just keep gasping for air, through red SOLO cups of vodka, 70+ minute runs on trails and hills in the rain, and through laps of swimming through chlorine, wondering when it will all be over.

My birthday is in two weeks. What will that be like? And that weekend, my trip up north. Hopefully, it'll be a breath of fresh air and everything will turn out as I imagine it. I can only hope...

I was wrong. Today wasn't that great of a day. I hope tomorrow doesn't turn out like today.