Dismissed

I've seem to have forgotten what being rejected feels like. Or, more appropriately, I've gotten used to the notion of rejection that has seemed to follow me the past six months. Rejection can be brutal, bruising the ego, scarring the heart. Resolving to never again allow myself to get attached to someone, those are words declared in the heat of the moment. In fact, those words will carry no meaning and cease to exist in a matter of days.

But in those moments of "Sorry, not gonna happen", your head is filled with thoughts of "Stay calm" or "That's understandable" or "Wait. What just happened?". When you suck it up and agree with them, trying to protect yourself from being hurt by the words and what they mean, you tell yourself you're going to be fine. That final awkward moment when you cordially accept your fate, maybe you're skipping that last time for a hug and instead opt to walk back inside. Maybe it's just your way of dealing or telling them "I get it, but that really hurt".

How you react to the rejection begs the question WHY. Why did you react the way you did or feel the way you do? Is it because you are truly upset by the loss? Is it because you were not perfect or what they wanted? Or is it maybe because you didn't beat them to the punch, to do it yourself and avoid the risk of being hurt? If it's the latter two questions, you have to ask yourself: did I ACTUALLY care about this person then? Are you going to miss them or the IDEA of them?

Trying to focus after that is damn near impossible. It's easier to just go to bed, escape to the comforts of sleep and hope you can rest easy, despite trying to make sense of what just happened. Waking up & dragging your ass out of bed again is the best thing you can do. Things don't seem so bad (even though you want to hurl a brick through their window). You go on living your life, crossing off the things on your To-Do List.

And tomorrow, there's another chance. Another person to talk to, another day at work. There is always another chance. Which means there's another chance to be dismissed. But regardless of the number of times you're rejected, you just keep trying. Because that's all you can do.


"After rejection -- misery, then thoughts of revenge, and finally, oh well, another try elsewhere."
-Mason Cooley