Last Night of the Fall Semester

I'm spending my last night up late, into the wee hours of the morning. I probably won't sleep until sometime in the late afternoon tomorrow.

I'm up because I suffer from chronic procrastination. If I had written these papers when I was supposed to, I wouldn't be sitting at my favorite cafe in Berkeley, drinking coffee (which I hate), and watching the people next to me, as they prep for finals at UCBerkeley or check their social network sites (of which I am also guilty of).

There's a guy that has caught me staring at him a few times. I stare because he stares at me. He's outside now, walking down the street, with his helmet on, but no wheeled transportation in sight. His appearance doesn't trigger anything familiar. I stare because he stares. He just rolled by on his bike, looking back at me as he rode up University Ave., out of sight.

Not only do I procrastinate, I've stopped caring altogether; I clocked out quite a while ago. Writing these papers has been difficult. Not because the material is difficult. No, I have trouble getting started. My notes on these articles are thorough; building an argument is not difficult in the least bit. Neither is the application of theory we've covered all semester. It's only difficult because I am stubborn.

The hours have flown by. I've made much progress. That's only because I finally got out of my room and off-campus. What is it going to be like, then, if/when I move into my own place and am no longer living on campus? With the days growing shorter and the nights longer, I've lost track of time. It's 11 o'clock on a Tuesday night. I've been here since 7 o'clock. Four hours. Four hours and a paper is done, recapping article notes has put me at being halfway finished with my second paper. It's progress.

But it's also painful. I started out with chili & a salad with dinner, accompanied by an Anchor Steam (as recommended by my friend, Paul). Bottles of water. A cafe au lait with amaretto. It's palatable, but those who know me, know I can't stand coffee. Keep me awake? Not really. Churn the stomach? Absolutely. And now, I remember one of the many reasons why I dislike it. I still think I would be better off with a RedBull...

I wish my paper writing flowed as easily as my stream of consciousness. I would've been done HOURS ago. Grades are due Friday. These papers are being dropped off at Fred's office tomorrow morning. He'll have two-three days to read & grade them. I feel so bad for dropping them on him like this, especially since they should've been completed and submitted throughout the semester.

You know it's late, when the traffic lights stop functioning normally and instead flash red & yellow, convenient for those traveling less-frequented roads late in the night, in the quest to get home... That's how my drive home will be tonight. Whenever that happens.